Blog posts that are, in essence, merely life updates are technically the easiest things to write, and a lot of people actually enjoy reading them! However, when I’m writing them, it feels as though I am cheating my followers in some way – as though the content is not nearly as important or as good.
And that feeling actually stems from the fact that somewhere deep inside me, I really do not understand why anyone would enjoy hearing about my life. It’s just little old me, wandering my way through the struggles of young adult life, having trouble with college, and finding a life focus through all of that.
The fall semester finished last Wednesday, and as soon as it was over, I hightailed it back to the other side of Texas to spend the winter break on my parents’ farm, hugging and riding ponies, playing fetch with my dog, and seeing all my family and friends. While I am still waiting on a few final grades to show up, I’m actually feeling rather okay about this semester. My grades are still not as high as I would like them to be, but I did bring them up from the spring semester and I am proud of that because this semester was much harder on me than that one was. I also learned a lot about the person that I could be as well as the person that I do not want to be.
The holiday season has always been my favorite time of year. I dance around the house, humming Christmas songs and eating far too many cookies. I love decorating the tree and creating unique gifts for the people I love. This year is a little different because I have not had the money or time to come up with Christmas presents, and I am attempting to replace that by showing even more love and spending even more time with those people.
In the light of being completely honest on this platform, my depressive episodes have been quite a bit worse in recent weeks. Whether they stem from the stress of finals and travelling and financial crises, or whatever they come from, it is hard to put on a brave face and continue looking forward. Emotions and socially acceptable responses are difficult to draw out of me. But bravery is an important idea to me. In fact, when I first prepared to move away from home and start college the song ‘Brave’ by Josh Groban was very near and dear to my heart. Now, the word is just something that I claim for myself. I keep it written on my wrist so that I see it throughout the day and it reminds me to keep going, even when its hard.
I am already looking forward to the new year. I have a lot of plans and desires for what I would like to see happen, which I will probably expand upon in another blog post sometime in the next week.
In the meantime, Merry Christmas! This holiday has become increasingly consumer-driven and rushed so that we have very little time to step back and appreciate what we are celebrating, which is actually love at its finest. So take a few moments and see what you can do this week to love the people around you and be joyful for at least some small reason every moment of every day.
Be brave, my dear.